Killing a person is wrong. Although in certain cases it's seen as "less wrong." In the story "My Parent's Bedroom" Monique's father kills Maman in order to save his children. Can this really be seen as "less wrong?" He in fact did the right thing. He saved multiple lives but sacrificed one, a utilitarian would had agreed. He chose the side of the majority's benefits over the minority's benefit. If he were to not kill Maman, she would still be killed along with his life and the children's. The situation he was in, he had to protect others. A survival instinct must had triggered to save himself as well, whether or not killing is right or wrong probably didn't go through his head.
The time he had to think was very short, he had to act fast and think fast. Surrounded by a group of vicious men with weapons in hand, given a machete and told to kill, he had no other choice but to kill or be killed. His actions no matter if he killed her or not wouldn't had mattered. The men wanted her dead, and it would had been better if he killed her in a mercy killing for his family rather then cold blooded murder. Monique's father killing Maman is a case in which the killing of another person could be seen "less wrong." Killing a person is wrong, but in Monique's Father's case his killing is less wrong.
TOPIC SENTENCE:.8 (B) = The topic sentence restates the question and makes the writer's position clear. It engages the reader.
ReplyDeleteSUPPORTING DETAILS:1.6 (B) The writer chooses vivid details and examples from the reading or real life. The support shows, explains or proves the writer's position while engaging the reader. The reader feels confident in the writer's argument.
CONCLUSION:.8 (B) = The conclusion recaps the topic sentence and summarizes the evidence, without repeating it word-for-word. It satisfies the reader's curiosity about the topic and allows her to answer the "so what?" question.
ORGANIZATION & UNITY:1(A) = The paragraph sticks to the topic. The writer avoids repetition or redundancy. The paragraph is organized in a logical, efficient manner.
Total points:4.2
The best part of these paragraph is how the writer ask the question if Monique's father kills Maman in order to save his children can this really be seen as "less wrong" because even if the reader hasn't read the story "my parents bedroom" just by reading this part of the paragraph anyone with children would be interested in reading more on this topic.
These paragraph could be improved if the writer would have put an example of a utilitarian in a similar situation where killing someone is "less wrong" to make you statement true .
TOPIC SENTENCE:1(A) = The topic sentence restates the question and makes the writer's position clear. It immediately engages the reader and does so in an original, creative way. The topic sentence is thought-provoking for the reader.
SUPPORTING DETAILS:1.6 (B) The writer chooses vivid details and examples from the reading or real life. The support shows, explains or proves the writer's position while engaging the reader. The reader feels confident in the writer's argument.
ORGANIZATION & UNITY: 1(A) = The paragraph sticks to the topic. The writer avoids repetition or redundancy. The paragraph is organized in a logical, efficient manner.
CONCLUSION:.8 (B) = The conclusion recaps the topic sentence and summarizes the evidence, without repeating it word-for-word. It satisfies the reader's curiosity about the topic and allows her to answer the "so what?" question.
Total points:4.4
The best part about these paragraph is how the writer gets straight to the point and answers the so what question. His actions no matter if he killed her or not wouldn't had mattered. The men wanted her dead, and it would had been better if he killed her in a mercy killing for his family rather then cold blooded murder.
These paragraph could be improved if the writer Would have put a Real life example when had they had to act fast think fast.
Tony,
ReplyDeleteGood reflection here. Very solid work. The only thing that sticks out is the repetition in the last paragraph. It says something you've already told us several times. You want to shed new light on the situation with your "so what?" statement. Perhaps you could close with how the killing is really the responsibility of the Hutu rather than Monique's father.